Individuals bereaved by suicide

Dear Todd

After 31 years I was able to visit the place you said your last words, thought your last thoughts. The place where your eyes saw the last thing they would ever see, the place where you heard your last sound, the place you smelt your last smell, the place you felt the last thing you touched. The awful place you took your final breath, alone, without us around to comfort you, protect you, and love you and to say goodbye.

I went to finally lay some flowers and say my proper goodbyes, for 31 years I have driven past that place wondering if your soul was trapped within those 4 walls. Now that they are tearing it down, I can wonder no more, you have been finally set free.

Fly with all your might mate.

You deserve to be free.

My love for you will never die.

Love Always

Kane xxx

Roses in the Ocean

my heart holds you

just one beat away

the tears in my soul

fall quietly every day

 

did this really happen

or are you just away?

will you walk through my door?

will you call me one day?

 

your pain was so intense

we shared more than most

the privilege of your love and trust

came at such an unbearable cost

 

stay close, watch over me

from so many stars apart

roses in the ocean…

you forever in my heart

 

my thoughts as I wake

through the day and when I sleep

are of you, my magnificent brother

for who my love runs deep

 

if there is one thing I could change

it would be that fateful time

I would be there for you, as always

holding on to you for life

 

somehow, some way

I wish with all my might

you find a way to tell me

you forgive, that you’re alright

 

stay close, watch over me

from so many stars apart

roses in the ocean…

you forever in my heart

 

Love from Brony November 2009

Supporting others after suicide

How do I support others after suicide? What do I say? What do I do?

Source: Standby Support After Suicide. Download PDF of Ideas for Support.

 

Listen – I may have intense emotions that could include anger, sadness, fear and guilt. Be prepared for any or all reactions, you cannot take these away, but being there, listening and showing you care can be comforting

Share memories – don’t be afraid to talk about the person who died and what they meant to you. It is important for me.

Understand – the healing process takes time, it can take months or years to find a liveable place for my loss. Remembering birthdays and special days can be particularly difficult.

Be OK with silence – do not feel compelled to talk because you may feel uncomfortable. Don’t try and fix me, for now just sit with me

Remember – I may need assistance with accessing information, medical/psychological support or meeting other responsibilities. It may be useful for you to be my driver, make essential phone calls, or assist me in meeting my children’s needs

Practical support – offer practical support such as making a meal, doing shopping, gardening or washing

Nurture relationships – keep in touch regularly. There may be times when offers are refused but keep trying. If you don’t know what to say, be honest and say ‘ I don’t know what to say but I am here for you’. A note or text in between other contact with words such as I’m thinking or you or I miss them too lets me know I’m not alone

Language – the language you use should not judge the way my loved one died

Be kind – to yourself as you may also be affected by the loss and have your own grief to work through.